And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I have post one night stand depression
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