I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
