wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
