And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
