there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
