New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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