I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
