this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
