I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
