This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
