What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
