Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
