i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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