I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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