i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
