He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
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