his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
