I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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