I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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