Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
