I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
