dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
