my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
