I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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