I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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