I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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