i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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