saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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