Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
