i think my tv is drunk
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
