Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
