why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
