So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
