We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The air was thick with penises
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
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