Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
