you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
