Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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