I don't think brook has ever known best
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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