Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
