We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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