dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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