that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
