peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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