Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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