I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
