I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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