The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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