Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I am midnight drunk by noon
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
