i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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