Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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