just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
